# Conversation and Fun > Just Conversation >  Optical Jokes

## rbaker

A Polish immigrant went to to an OD for an eye exam. The optometrist showed him a card with the letters: 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'

"Can you read this?" the optician asked.

Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I went to school with the guy."

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## Dave Nelson

We already had an optical joke thread sometime back, including that very joke, but what the hey, I'll repeat my contribution from the old thread:

A guy goes in to see his ophthalmologist with a black, swollen eye.
"what the heck happened to you!" says the doc.
"well" says the guy, "this morning I go to answer a knock on my door, and there was this six foot cockroach standing there. Without a word, this thing punches me right in the eye, then storms off."
"oh yes" says the doc, "I heard there was a nasty bug going around."

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## k12311997

omd to to asian pt.

"looks like you have a cataract"

pt.

"no, I drive a Lincoln"

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## braheem24

Polac, Bug, Cataract...

You guys are making a spectacle of yourself. :D

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## DragonLensmanWV

> Polac, Bug, Cataract...
> 
> You guys are making a spectacle of yourself. :D


Spectacularly!

Three blind guys walk into a bar.
"OW!"  "OW!"  "OW!"

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## chip anderson

Yesterday I had a very nice lady in from Atlanta to pick up a pair of toric bifocal lenses.  The conversation moved to Hillary.  The lady related that her father was an arch liberal democrat and there was nothing she could do about it.  She mentioned having brought up Bill's excapades in office and her father went into a discussion about how this wasn't actually sex.

The lady related that she responed to her father:  "Daddy I wish you had told me you felt this way when I was a girl.  I could have been a lot more popular in school!

Chip:p

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## LandLord

An ophthalmologist, an optometrist and an optician are on their way to a fly-in fishing resort, when suddenly the plane's engine dies.  Frantically looking around for parachutes, they find only two.

The optician says, "You are doctors and your jobs are more important than mine.  I will suffer my fate so that you can help patients."

The ophthalmologist says, "I took an oath to put others interests before my own.  I've also been very fortunate to live a great life.  I will stay on the plane."

The optometrist says, "I can do both your jobs, and I'll need both parachutes in case one doesn't work.  Geronimoooooooo!!!!!!!!"

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## sharpeye

A young women visited her eye doctor complaining of failing eyesight. The doctor sat her in front of a standard eye chart.

Doctor: "Can you read the bottom line?"

Girl: "No."

Doctor: "Can you read the center line?"

Girl: "No."

Doctor: "Can you read the large top line?"

Girl: "No."

Doctor (getting frustrated): "Can you even see the chart?"

Girl: "No."

The doctor is clearly frustrated and whips his Johnson out of his pants.

Doctor: "Can you see this?"

Girl: "Of course!"

Doctor: "Well, there's your problem -- you're c.o.c.k-eyed!"

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## bhess25

> A young women visited her eye doctor complaining of failing eyesight. The doctor sat her in front of a standard eye chart.
> 
> Doctor: "Can you read the bottom line?"
> 
> Girl: "No."
> 
> Doctor: "Can you read the center line?"
> 
> Girl: "No."
> ...


these are the kind of jokes that are slowly getting me fired!!!..i tell these all day everyday!!..and our GM the arch duke of the federation for a more joke free hell just doesnt understand.

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## bhess25

heres another true one...

one of our new apprentice opticians is from puerto rico, and she went home for christmas (she doesnt have much of an accent because shes been here for 15 years..she a wopping 20 now)..so she was sceduled for work promptly on jan 1st this year..so i called to inform her of that..she answered the phone with a delightfull "hola"...so i said "aww sh*t hold on a sec"...i then held down one of the number keys on my cell phone for a second, and got back on and said "ok there we go"..when she inquired of my semingly random button pushing..i replied with "sorry...i had to push 1 for english".

she loved that one by the way.

-billy

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## DragonLensmanWV

A woman was talking to a friend. 
"I keep seeing all these spots in front of my eyes."

"Did you see a doctor?"

"No, just spots."

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## Spexvet

A well respected ophthalmologist was retiring. He took his wife to his retirement dinner, where a portrait of him was unveiled. It was a huge eye, and right in the center of the pupil was his face. The MD was very proud, and asked his wife "what do you think of that?" She said "it's lovely. I'm just glad that you're not a proctologist!"

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## LandLord

Isn't it funny, you hear about "well-respected ophthalmologists" but you never hear about well-respected optometrists or opticians.  Why is that?

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## chip anderson

This is going to scare you coming from me.  But I attended a seminar course last year that said: "Optometrists are the most highly respected profession today."   Had professions listed 1 to 10 with lawyers on the bottom Medical doctors at about #7.    
No opinions from me on this.  And this was at a meeting of Opticians only.

Chip

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## LandLord

That cannot be true.  Nurses, firefighters and teachers would be much higher than optometrists.

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## chip anderson

Remember this was a CEC (sales seminar) by a lens company.  Who the gonna brown nose, firefighters?

Chip

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## braheem24

I heard Optometrists are also the best in bed.

Is this better or is this better? :D

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## THE MEB

because they can see your naked acuity

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## optigrrl

So the Optician fits the patient with their first progressive lenses and explains that it will take a few days and then they will "feel like natural vision".

A few days later, the Optician calls to check in on them. 

"How are your lenses working out for you?"

The patient answers: "Just swimmingly!" 

:cheers:

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## DragonLensmanWV

A man told his friend, "I had an eye problem the other day - all I could see was spots before my eyes."
His friend asked, "Did you see a doctor?"

"No, just spots."

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## Dave Nelson

Um....dragonlensman, read back about 9 posts.....

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## braheem24

Double vision is commonly associated with those spots :p

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## DragonLensmanWV

> Um....dragonlensman, read back about 9 posts.....



Oops! Do I get a record for the longest-delayed double post?:hammer:

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## Spexvet

A man told his friend, "I had an eye problem the other day - all I could see was spots before my eyes."
His friend asked, "Did you see a doctor?"

"No, just spots."

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## THE MEB

run spot run, see dick run, see jane run for dick (quite chuckling, it was in our first grade primer)

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## bhess25

> run spot run, see dick run, see jane run for dick (quite chuckling, it was in our first grade primer)


 
so how does that joke end?...does jane ever get dick?

:D:hammer::D:hammer:

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## THE MEB

I was hoping that someome creative type would help finish it. Afterall, this is a thread of revolving ideas, right?

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